NewDayvotional

From the pastor for the people

Archives for February 2016

Strike a Balance Between Career and Relationships

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Our culture says our career is to be our #1 priority. God says you’ll be happier if relationships are the #1 priority. But even when relationships are #1, that doesn’t eliminate the need to make money. Just as you need meaningful relationships, you also need income generated by your career. The key is to strike a healthy balance between career and relationships. There’s nothing wrong with advancing in your career and making good money. I hope you do both because we’ve got a building to pay for in our near future! 😉 What I’m trying to warn against is this – pursuing these things to the detriment of your marriage – to the detriment of meaningful relationships. Each of us has to find a healthy balance between quantity of income and quality of life.

A man named Agur in the Bible found a balance. He wrote in Proverbs 30:8-9, “…give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.” I don’t believe Agur was advocating that no one be poor and no one be rich, and that everyone be right in the middle. No. What he’s advocating is balance. Each of us needs to find the balance. If all you care about is being rich, you’ll destroy your relationships. At the same time, if all you care about is relationships, you won’t be able to pay your bills!

When I first started out in ministry, someone recommended a book by Andy Stanley called Choosing to Cheat. In that book Andy talked about how he wanted to be the best pastor he could be, but how he wouldn’t sacrifice his family on the altar of ministry. That book has influenced me greatly. I want to be the best pastor I can be. I want to reach lots of people for Christ. But I won’t sacrifice my family to do it.

So what do we do? We set up healthy parameters and then advance as far as we can within those parameters. For example…

  • I’m going to have a daily quiet time with God
  • I’m going to continue dating my wife
  • I’m going to have a weekly Sabbath Day’s rest
  • I’m not going to work so much that I’m too tired to play with my children
  • I’m going to go to church on Sunday
  • I’m going to be in a group throughout the week
  • I’m going to enjoy a hobby (or two)

I’ve found my personal balance between relationships and career by determining what things I won’t let work get in the way of. What are those things for you?

Guard Your Heart

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Proverbs 4:23, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Here’s how life works: You choose what influences you’ll let into your heart. Then what’s in your heart determines the course of your life. If you expose yourself to influences that cultivate greed and materialism in your heart – your heart will set a course to pursue those things.

This past week Ally, our oldest, got sick. So we quarantined her from the rest of the family. We knew that if she got around the rest of us, then what was in her was going to get in us. We had to guard ourselves from Ally.

In the same way – we have to guard our heart’s from being influenced by the values of this world. 1 John 2:15-16 says, “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world.” 

I think the best way to guard our heart is to be selective with the TV shows we watch. The average American watches TV four hours a day.  If what you’re watching fills your heart with greed, materialism and a desire to keep up with the Joneses – your heart will set a course to pursue all the wrong things. For example, I know a couple that rented a huge house in the nicest community around. They wore name brand clothing and drove a brand new $30,000 vehicle. You would’ve thought they were rich. But it was all a facade. The house was rented and their parents were making the car payments. Why would someone do this? They let culture influence their heart – then their heart set the course of their life.

Now it’s very important that while guarding your heart from the wrong influences, you expose it to the right influences. Every time you read your Bible, you’ll be influenced to develop meaningful relationships (with God and with other people). My pipes burst this past week. So I took out all the bad piping. But I didn’t just take out the bad, I replaced the bad piping with good piping (with the help of my brother). That’s what we need to do with what influences our heart (take out the bad, replace it with good). This is how we guard our heart.

Stuff Will Always Leave You Empty

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God said in Jeremiah 2:13, “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.” Israel turned her back on God. They replaced him with idols. They turned their back on relationship and replaced it with material things. God compares their actions to someone abandoning a spring of running water for a broken cistern. The most reliable and refreshing sources of water in Israel were her natural springs. This water was dependable; and its clear, cool consistency was satisfying. In contrast, the most unreliable source of water was cisterns. Cisterns were large pits dug into the rock and covered with plaster. These pits were used to gather rainwater. This water was brackish; and if the rains were below normal, it could run out. Worse yet, if a cistern developed a crack it would not hold the water. To turn from a dependable, pure stream of running water to a broken, brackish cistern was idiotic – because the broken cistern would always leave the person wanting a satisfying drink empty.

We run after stuff because we believe the lie that if we just accumulate a little more stuff, then we’ll be happy. But the truth is, the more we have the more we want. Ecclesiastes 5:10 says, “Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income.” Simply put: The more you have, the more you want! You see…stuff doesn’t quench our thirst for more, it intensifies it! Trying to find satisfaction from stuff is like trying to quench your thirst with sea water. The more you drink, the more thirsty you become!

Stuff always leaves you empty.

  • We pursue stuff to the detriment of our relationship with God, even though he’s the only one who can truly satisfy. So we’re left empty.
  • We pursue stuff to the detriment of our relationship with our family. Without healthy family relationships, we feel empty.
  • We pursue stuff to the point we have no time for friends. As a result we’re left feeling empty.
  • We pursue stuff and we accumulate it. But to keep it we have to keep working crazy hours so we never have time to enjoy the stuff we accumulate. That leaves us feeling empty!

Stuff isn’t bad in and of itself – it just becomes bad when we look to it for something it can’t provide. God says we’ll find fulfillment in a relationship with Him and in meaningful relationships with others – and that stuff is no substitute for relationships.

Life is About Relationships

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Culture says life’s about stuff so make a lot of money, buy a lot of things and then you’ll be happy. God says: I designed you to find happiness and joy and fulfillment in the context of meaningful relationships.

We see this in Genesis 2. In Genesis 2 Adam is in the Garden of Eden. He’s got a great job naming the animals. He’s financially independent, with abundant sources of food everywhere he looks. And he’s the proud owner of a lovely garden home (with no mortgage, no utilities and no taxes).  Most of us think “He’s got it made!” That’s the dream! But God looked at Adam and said “It is not good…” (Genesis 2:18). Though Adam had it all, in terms of financial security, God said something was missing. What was missing was meaningful relationships. So God created Eve. Once Eve was created, God looked around at what he made and said “…it was very good” (Genesis 1:31). God’s message to us in the Old Testament is that life is about relationships.

I recently read Barrett, my two year old, a book by Francis Chan called The Big Red Tractor. In this book the village people would plow their fields by pulling and pushing the big red tractor. One day the farmer finds the owner’s manual while cleaning his attic and learns that the tractor was designed to run on it’s own. No one believes him but he diligently uses the owner’s manual to make the necessary repairs. After weeks of work, the tractor is fixed and he plows the entire field in one night. The people can hardly believe that what the farmer told them turned out to be true.

In the same way, it might be hard to believe, but we were designed to find fulfillment and happiness in the context of relationships (a relationship with God and then meaningful relationships with others). Jesus puts it this way in Luke 12:15, “one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.” There it is again! Life is not about stuff, it’s about relationships! Stuff is temporary! It all ends up in the dump. For a Christian, relationships are eternal. Why invest a disproportionate amount of time into accumulating stuff over developing relationships? Relationships are 100% of the time, the better investment. Why? Because life is about relationships!

Four Things You Can Do To Increase the Likelihood of Choosing a Mate Wisely, Part 4

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The first thing you can do to drastically increase the likelihood of choosing a mate wisely is this: PRACTICE THE LAW OF THREE. 

When hiring an employee, business owner Brian Tracy requires that each candidate pass three tests before being hired. He has three interviews with each taking place at a different location and different environment. Each interview is a test for the potential hire. If the candidate passes all three tests, they get the green light to be hired. By practicing this law of three, Tracy weeds out a lot of candidates that would be a poor fit for his company. If you’re dating, you need to practice the the law of three. Here’s three tests you can apply to weed out bad candidates:

Test #1 is this: Do friends and family approve? Proverbs 27:6 says “Wounds from a friend can be trusted…” That is, you might not like the advice a friend gives (it might hurt a little) but because they are your friend and love you and know you well – what they tell you can be trusted. You might say to a close friend or family member “What do you honestly think?” and they might say “Two thumbs down.” That might hurt a bit to hear, but you can usually trust (under normal circumstances) the input of family and friends. The Bible says to trust them. On the day I decided that I wanted to marry Kristin, the first thing I did was call my dad and ask him “What do you think?” He gave me two thumbs up! The second thing I did was call my mom to ask her “What do you think?” She also gave me two thumbs up! I also brought her home to meet Jon and Andrew, my two closest friends. The four of us went out to dinner together and my friends got to meet her. I got a thumbs up from them too. Now listen…If you don’t want to ask your parents or friends what they think of this person you’re getting serious with, what does that say about the relationship? Let me tell you what it says! It says that you know intuitively this person is no good for you, and you’re not asking others what they think because you already know what they think. If they don’t pass the friend and family test, dump them as quickly as possible!

Test #2 is this: Do we have compatible interests, goals and values? In 1 Corinthians 1:10 the apostle Paul said in reference to the unity of a church “…be perfectly united in mind and thought.” Being united in mind and thought is what keeps unity in a church and what keeps unity in a marriage. You have be united in mind and thought around your interests, your goals and your values. Let’s talk about each briefly. Common Interests: Most strong relationships include at least some common interests. If you live for the outdoors, you probably do not want to get serious with someone who hates going outside. People who have little in common will ultimately not spend a lot of time together, or if they do, they won’t be doing what they enjoy. Common Goals: Before you get serious with someone, you need to have a good idea of what direction you are going in, and you need to determine whether that person’s life is going in the same direction. If you want to be a missionary or inner-city worker living on a limited income, you must share that goal. Common Values: Search for character that shows the fruit of the Spirit – love, patience, kindness and so forth. You are initially attracted to a person’s outsides, but over time you will experience their insides. A person’s character is what you will experience long-term and be in relationship with over time. So make sure the other person shares your values too! If your common interests, goals and values don’t align, get out of that relationship before you waste even more time. Kristin and I didn’t have all the details of our future mapped out, but we both knew we wanted to be serving God in full-time ministry. We both knew we wanted a large family. And we both wanted the set up where I would work and she would stay home with the kids. You don’t need all the details of your future nailed down – you can figure the details out together along the way – but the big picture you each have in your head needs to be compatible.

Test #3 is this: Do they manage their money well? This might seem odd to you, but listen…George Gallup reports that 58% of all divorces today are due to money problems. Money problems are therefore the leading cause of divorce in America! Don’t set yourself up for trouble. 1 Timothy 6:10 says “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” Someone with an unhealthy view on money can shipwreck both their faith and their marriage! An unhealthy view on money can separate God and man, and husband and wife. So find out their views on money before getting married! I read a book by Gary Chapman called Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married and one chapter in the book is entitled “I wish I had know…that we needed a plan for handling our money.” In this chapter he gives several tips for laying a solid financial foundation. These are things you can talk about before trying the knot. He says:

  1. After marriage, it will no longer be “my money” and “your money” but “our money.” Once married his and her debts become “our debts.” His savings and her savings become “our savings.” The Bible says that in marriage the two become one (Genesis 2:24) and this includes becoming “one” financially. So before getting too serious, ask the person you’re with if they agree with this. You’ve got to investigate this stuff ahead of time. Don’t wait till you’re married to find out! It’s too late then!
  2. Agree on a percentage of income that you will give away, save and spend. These are really the only three things you can do with money (give it away, save it and spend it). Based on biblical principles, I encourage couples to live by the 10-10-80 rule. Give 10% to God, save 10%, live wisely on the remaining 80%. Give 10, save 10, use the rest wisely. Find out how the person you’re with feels about this. If tithing is important to you, don’t marry someone that cringes at the thought of giving money to God through the local church. That would be foolish. If the person you’re thinking about marrying doesn’t see the value in saving, that’s a red flag. Look into this before you get married!
  3. Decide before marriage who will keep the books. So before you get married, find out who’s better with the money and agree that they will take the lead in this part of the marriage. I’m going to add a 4th thing to consider…
  4. See how they would feel about living off one person’s income prior to having children. This will set you up for success if mom wants to stay home with the kids, once they arrive. Many people choose a lifestyle that’s dependent upon two incomes. Then they have kids and mom wants to stay home with the kids but it’s not an option (because of the lifestyle they’ve chosen). This is what Kristin and I agreed to before we got married – that we would both work, but would live off my income only. We saved her income. When kids came along and she wanted to stay home with them, this is something we were able to do.

By practicing the law of three, like Tracy, you can weed out bad options and save yourself a lot of time, money and heartache.