NewDayvotional

From the pastor for the people

Archives for January 2016

How to Guide Others Through Their Trial

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When you’re going through one of the inevitable crises of life, you’re going to need others to be there for you. In the same way, when others are going through a trial, you’re going to need to be there for them! Here’s three tips for guiding others in your group through the inevitable crises of life.

1. Show up and shut up. 

Most of us feel very uncomfortable when we’re around someone else’s pain. And in our nervousness, we start talking. When we start talking, we often say something stupid (or hurtful) unintentionally. There are certain times, where it’s best to not say anything at all. If you think someone is pregnant but aren’t 100% sure, it’s best not to say anything at all. In the same way, when someone’s in pain, it’s best not to say much.

When someone has just gotten news of tragedy, simply being there is the most important thing. The best present is your presence. Don’t worry in the car ride over about what you’re going to say. Trying to answer the question WHY is both impossible AND unhelpful in comforting the person who’s hurting.

In the Bible a man named Job went through a horrific trail. In one day he lost his health, his wealth and his children! Look how his friends responded. We read in Job 2:11-13, When Job’s three friends…heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. Job’s friends did a lot of things wrong once they opened their mouth, but they started off great. They showed up and they shut up. It was only when they started talking that everything went downhill. The same is true for us.

2. Give your sympathy, not theology. 

When someone is hurting, they need to know that you too are crushed by the pain of this bad thing that has happened. What they don’t need are a bunch of Christian platitudes and cliche sayings. Here’s some examples of things not to say:

  •   God knows best. Don’t say that. What your saying is that this tragedy is part of God’s plan and that simply might not be true. God tells us to pray “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven” because God’s will ISN’T always done on earth. Plus, the last thing you want to do is help someone get angry at God when God is the very person they need to turn to in their time of need. But when you say “God knows best” you’re helping the person get mad at God by assigning blame to him.
  • “It was for the best” or “He/She’s in a better place.” Don’t say that. Comments like these are aimed at making the person feel good about something they feel bad about. Don’t try and do that!
  • You need to just trust God. Don’t say that. What does that even mean? Are you saying that if they had more faith they wouldn’t be hurting so much? Do you realize what you’re communicating? You’re telling them while they’re hurting that they’re a bad Christian. How demoralizing! That’s not going to bring comfort – that’s going to produce guilt! Now you’ve made the situation worse, not better.

Much of what we say (when we speak instead of being a silent support) is aimed at assigning blame, not comforting the person who’s hurting. Back to the case of Job, when his friends tried to assign blame, they got it all wrong. Job’s friend Eliphaz said in Job 4:7-8, “Consider now: Who, being innocent, has ever perished? Where were the upright ever destroyed? As I have observed, those who plow evil and those who sow trouble reap it.” Don’t seek to assign blame, seek to bring comfort to the person that’s hurting. When someone’s hurting, they need LOVE, not a LECTURE, they need ENCOURAGEMENT, not an EXPLANATION.

3. Turn your compassion into action. 

It’s not good enough to FEEL bad for someone who’s hurting. The Bible tells us we must help the person who’s hurting in practical ways. James 2:15-16, Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? It’s not good enough to wish someone well, you have to actually help them become well (where possible).

By my count there are 28 unique “each other” or “one another” phrases in the New Testament. When someone’s hurting you can practice at least 10 of them!

  • Carry each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2)
  • Encourage one another and build each other up (1 Thessalonians 4:18, 5:11, 2 Corinthians 13:11, Hebrews 3:13)
  • Accept one another (Romans 15:7, Romans 14:13)
  • Be devoted to one another and honor one another (Romans 12:10)
  • Be concerned for each other (1 Corinthians 12:25-26)
  • Look out for each other’s good (1 Thessalonians 5:15)
  • Be kind and compassionate (Ephesians 4:32)
  • Serve one another (John 13:14-15, Galatians 5:13)
  • Instruct one another (Romans 15:14)
  • Pray for each other (James 5:16)

Job said of his friends “What miserable comforters you are!” If you follow these three tips I’ve just given you, no one will ever say that about you!

Groups Help Guide My Faith

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You’re going to need others to help guide you through the inevitable crises of life – when the tragedies of life hit. You don’t want to navigate these alone.

  • Nobody should ever have to wait in the hospital while a loved one is in a life and death surgery.
  • No woman should ever have to wait alone waiting for the lab report back on a problem pregnancy.
  • Nobody should have to wait for news from a battlefield alone.
  • Nobody should have to stand at the edge of an open grave alone.
  • Nobody should have to wait at home alone for the coroner to come and publicly identify the body of a loved one who just died.
  • Nobody should have to spend the first night alone after their husband has died or wife has died.
  • Nobody should ever have to spend the first night alone when their wife has just walked out.  Or their husband’s walked out.

The fact is, some of these things are going to happen to you. They’re inevitable. You’re going to have loved ones die. You’re going to go through tragedy.  You’re going to get bad health news.  You’re going to find out one day that you are dying. And this is why you need other people in your life. Only a fool would go through life totally unprepared for something that you know is inevitably going to happen. The time to build your safety net is now.

What is God’s safety net? It is a group of other believers. You don’t need a hundred, but you absolutely need a handful! Now the question begs: How do I build this safety net so that I don’t have to face the crises of life alone? I’m glad you asked! Let me give you THREE STEPS TO BUILDING MY SAFETY NET.

Step #1: Graduate from New Day University. Building your safety net/support team is a process, it’s not something you do overnight. And that process begins with graduating from New Day University. At NDU you’ll learn how to join a serving team and get in a growth group. You will meet people at NDU but since the classes are lecture based, they’re not the best environment to begin really connecting with people and getting to know each other. No – the real benefit of NDU is that it tells you HOW to begin connecting with others (i.e. by explaining how to join a serving team and how to join a growth group). Ok, step #2 in building your support team is:

Step #2: Join a Growth Group. Once you learn how to join a group, your next step in building your safety net is to actually go ahead and join a group. This is where you BEGIN meeting people and getting to know others at our church. This doesn’t really happen on Sundays and it doesn’t really happen at NDU. But it begins to happen in your Growth Group. Now as you participate in a handful of Growth Groups, you’ll begin learning who you really click with, who you have chemistry with, who you enjoy being around and spending time with, etc. Once you identify these people, it’s time for step three…

Step #3: Start a Life Group. When you find the people you look forward to seeing each week, when you find the people you want to do life with and grow spiritually with, it’s time to start a Life Group with them. Whereas Growth Groups are short-term, Life Groups are long-term. Whereas Growth Groups place a special emphasis on content (marriage curriculum, finance curriculum, addiction recovery curriculum, etc), Life Groups place a special emphasis on relationships. In other words, in a Life Group you’re there because of the relationships, not because of the content. And it’s here in a Life Group that you finally have the safety net and support group you need in life. So this is the place we ultimately want people to arrive at at New Day.

If you’ve never graduated from NDU, that’s your next step. There’s no need to sign up for NDU, just show up on the 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th Sunday of each month. If you’ve graduated from NDU, but haven’t joined a group that’s your next step. You can sign up at the Blue Tent on Sunday (this week and next) or online at newdaychurch.cc/groups If you’ve been a part of groups for awhile and know who you enjoy spending time with, your next step is to start a Life Group. To start a Life Group simply visit newdaychurch.cc/groups and follow the instructions.

If you’re in a group, you’ll have others to guide your faith through the inevitable crises of life.

Groups Guard You From Backsliding

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Backsliding is when you’re moving further and further away from the Lord, instead of closer and closer to him. James 4:8 says “Come near to God and he will come near to you…” Backsliding is the opposite of this. It’s when you’re moving away from God. And it can happen easily!

  • Some backslide after starting a new relationship.
  • Some backslide after accepting a new job.
  • Some backslide when they decide to move without thinking about what churches (if any) are in the area they are moving to.
  • Others backslide when they’re hurt by someone in the church.

God knew that there would be many things that would result in us backsliding (result in us turning away from him), which is why he gave us groups. Every member in a group is mandated by God to go after a group member when they start veering from the straight and narrow path Jesus told us to walk on (Matthew 7:13). We read in James 5:19-20, “My dear friends, if you know people who have wandered off from God’s truth, don’t write them off. Go after them. Get them back and you will have rescued precious lives from destruction and prevented an epidemic of wandering away from God.” MSG 

I don’t know about you, but I never want to remove myself from a group of people who have a God-given responsibility to come after me if I ever strayed from the Lord! I like the built in protection that comes with being in a group. If you need this protection and you don’t have it, sign up for a growth group by visiting www.newdaychurch.cc/groups

Groups Guard You From Being Easy Prey for Satan

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1 Peter 5:8 says “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” Satan’s goal is to rip your spiritual head off and he’s looking for people who are vulnerable. Satan’s like a wolf – he’s going to go after the easy target – after those not in a group, because they don’t have the same spiritual protection that believers in a group have. It’s too hard to get to someone that has the spiritual protection and covering a group provides. Satan’s just going to go after someone that’s all alone.

In a group you have people watching out for you. Take a look…

  • 1 Thessalonians 5:15 says “…always seek after that which is good for one another…” NASB Do you have that? Do you have someone or a group of people looking out for your spiritual good?
  • Hebrews 13:17 says of church leaders “…they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account.” Your group facilitator and the other members of your group have the responsibility to watch out for your soul. Don’t you like the sound of that? I do! I like the idea of others who are watching out for my soul. Mark 8:36 says you can forfeit your soul (What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?). Well, you won’t forfeit your soul (turn away from the Lord or become easy prey for Satan) when others are watching out for it.

In this way groups help guard you from becoming easy prey for Satan. To sign up for a growth group visit www.newdaychurch.cc/groups

Groups Guard Against the Power of Sin

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The power of sin is in secrecy. That is, when you keep your sin a secret, it gets a grip on you that you can’t escape from. But when you share your struggles with others (when you bring that thing into the light) sin loses some of it’s power – it loosens it’s grip on your life. And groups provide other people to whom you can share your struggles with.

Someone I was in a group with, opened up to me (in time) and shared a struggle. I was so happy to know that people in my group felt comfortable enough to be real and open up – and share what they’re going through. And I was so happy to be able to pray for this person, and at their request, hold them accountable.

The Bible says that when we’re struggling, we ought to share our struggles with each other – the Bible says this is key to our healing. We read in James 5:16, “…confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” Someone has rightly stated “If you want forgiveness of sins, confess to God. If you want healing from sin, confess to another believer.” This verse is a picture of Christian accountability. It’s a picture of people confessing their struggles to each other and getting prayer and support in the battle against sin. And the Bible says our healing comes through this kind of accountability – which you can easily find in a group.

Do you have someone with whom you can share your struggles? If not, why not sign up for a group today? To sign up for a growth group visit www.newdaychurch.cc/groups