From Song of Solomon we learn of three types of attraction (physical, spiritual and emotional). You must evaluate whether or not all three exist if you want to build your relationship on a solid foundation. In this post we’re looking at…
Physical Attraction: Here you’re evaluating Chemistry. Here you’re asking yourself: Do I like the way they look?
- The Shulamite says of Solomon: “Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine” (1:2). “You are so handsome, my love, pleasing beyond words” (1:16)!
- Solomon says of the Shulamite: “You are as exciting, my darling, as a mare among Pharaoh’s stallions” (1:9). “How beautiful you are, my darling, how beautiful (1:15)!
The Bible says in 1 Samuel 16:7, “People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” Unless you’re dating the Lord, you better show a little concern for how you look because it’s the outside, not the inside that people see first. As someone once rightly stated “Personality may be important but it won’t make you look good in a tank top.” Attraction begins with the physical. If there’s no chemistry the relationship usually won’t move beyond the friendship zone.
Don’t act as if physical attraction is worldly and unspiritual. It isn’t. God made you physically attracted to another person so 1) you could enjoy God’s gift of sex and 2) so that through your physical expressions of love you could have children. If no one was attracted to anyone else no one would have sex and the human race would die out. But this is the opposite of what God wants. God told Adam and Eve “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and subdue it.”
Whether you were born with good looks or fell from the ugly tree hitting every branch on the way down, there are things you can do to enhance your physical attractiveness.
- Notice how the Shulamite compliments Solomon’s personal hygiene. In Song of Songs 1:3 she says, “How fragrant your cologne…” Solomon wasn’t metrosexual or anything, but he was the kind of guy who took care to smell nice and look nice within reason. He wasn’t a slob. Guys: Deodorant was never intended to be a shower substitute. Personal grooming and fresh breath goes a long way in adding to your attractiveness. So guys: Look after your hygiene (1:3).
- Also notice how Solomon compliments the things the Shulamite has done to make herself look pretty. In Song of Songs 1:10 he says “How lovely are your cheeks; your earrings set them afire! How lovely is your neck, enhanced by a string of jewels.” Solomon was saying: I like the makeup on your cheeks, your earrings and necklace. You’re looking smoking hot! Ladies: A little paint on the barn and a couple accessories goes a long way in adding to your attractiveness. So ladies: Look after your appearance (1:10).
Now…while physical attraction is important, biblical and of God, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a danger in physical attraction. The danger of physical attraction is that: It can blind you to the other kinds of attraction that are more important. So the danger of physical attraction is that you would value it too much and prioritize it too high.
In Matthew 7 Jesus says that the person who builds their house upon the sand is foolish, but that the person who builds their house upon the rock is wise. Friends – physical attraction is important, but it’s shouldn’t be the foundation upon which a relationship is built, for physical appearance is a foundation of sand. Physical beauty will fade. It’s not a solid foundation on which to build.
- As metabolism slows for a man he might gain weight. Throughout the song she likens his body to a pillar of marble. Well, give it a couple of years and his stomach may feel more like a pillow of marshmallow than a pillar of marble.
- And as women have children their bodies change too. Throughout the book Solomon refers to her breasts as twin fawns. Well, give em a couple years and those twin fawns become twin falls. They just do! And if the only thing you have going for you is physical attraction and then things change where does that leave the relationship?