Song of Solomon teaches us that before marriage, in regards to sex, the couple fasted (they abstained). Song of Solomon 4:12, “You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.” Song of Solomon teaches that once married, in regards to sex, the coupled feasted. In Song of Solomon 5:1e God says to the couple on their honeymoon night “Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love.” This is how God says sex works best. Before marriage you fast. Once married you feast.
Here’s how God designed sex to work…
- Sex before marriage can drive a couple apart. Sex within marriage brings a couple closer together.
- Sex before marriage is stealing (i.e. you steal the other person’s virginity). Sex within marriage is giving (i.e. you give your virginity away as a gift).
- Sex before marriage can create permanent scars. Sex within marriage creates joy and fulfillment.
- Sex before marriage can destroy self-esteem. Sex within marriage boosts self-esteem.
- Sex before marriage leaves you with guilt and shame. Sex within marriage leaves you like Adam and Eve – naked and unashamed!
If you wait to have sex until you are married, you avoid bringing all kinds of baggage into the marriage that will negatively affect your relationship and your sex life. I’m not saying that couples who made mistakes in this area are doomed to a terrible love life, just that there will be some issues to work through. Couples who wait to have sex until marriage get to skip these problems. For example:
- Solomon never had to worry about being compared to another lover. He was her first and her only. Know what that made him? The best lover she ever had!
- The Shulamite never had to explain to Solomon how she had herpes or some other sexually transmitted disease because of some one night stand she had before they met.
- Neither of them had to unlearn associating sex with guilt. They just got to skip all these things – and got to 100% focus on enjoying each other on the wedding night.
Now, if you’ve made mistakes in this area, thank God for the forgiveness there is in Jesus. And thank God for the healing that Jesus can bring to any relationship that’s suffering from past mistakes. I decided to include this point in my message NOT to make you, who have made mistakes, feel condemned, rather to help others avoid making similar mistakes so they can avoid dealing with the repercussions of not listening to God in this area of their lives.
Don’t take your cues from Hollyweird on sex! As the theologian Beyonce said “If you like, then put a ring on it!” Until then, don’t play marriage. If you do, you’re only hurting yourself and the wonderful future sex life that God wants you to have. He wants you to feast in marriage, not fast. So he tells you how to accomplish this. God says: You’ll feast in marriage if you’ll fast before marriage! Great sex is married sex.