From Song of Solomon we learn of three types of attraction (physical, spiritual and emotional). You must evaluate whether or not all three exist if you want to build your relationship on a solid foundation. In this post we’re looking at…
Emotional Attraction: Here you’re evaluating Communication. Here you’re asking: Are they easy to talk to? If you’re contemplating pursuing a romantic relationship and get a green light when it comes to chemistry and character, the last thing you want to evaluate is communication: Are they easy to talk to? You see, you want to connect with someone not just physically and spiritually but also emotionally. And it’s through conversation that this happens.
- When you’re with the wrong person, carrying on a conversation will come with great effort. When you’re with the right person, carrying on a conversation will come almost effortlessly.
- You might be wondering: Why is communication so important? Because you will spend infinitely greater amounts of time talking with your spouse than you will having sex with your spouse. Sorry to disappoint the single young men in the room, but it’s true.
- So as important as the physical connection is, make sure you can connect emotionally too – that is, make sure you can carry on a good conversation.
Solomon and the Shulamite gal could talk about all kinds of things. Take a look…
- They could talk about their insecurities (1:5-6). The Shulamite can freely talk with Solomon about the insecurities she has about her dark skin (in those days fair skin was the cultural standard of beauty).
- They could talk about how they felt about each other (1:7-8). The Shulamite asks Solomon where he would be grazing his sheep and tells him that she would be liked a veiled woman if she couldn’t be with him. In those days a woman in mourning would wear a veil. So she’s telling him that she would feel sad if she couldn’t be around him. He too felt comfortable opening up and telling her how he felt about her. In Song of Songs 1:10 he tells her, “How lovely are your cheeks; your earrings set them afire! How lovely is your neck, enhanced by a string of jewels.”
- They could talk and dream together about their future (1:16b-17). Song of Songs 1:16b-17, “The soft grass is our bed; fragrant cedar branches are the beams of our house, and pleasant smelling firs are the rafters.” This is chapter one and they aren’t married until chapter three. So here we find them dreaming of all the future has in store for them (being married, having a home, making love).
If you’re single: If you can’t have fun and enjoy each other’s company apart from physical interaction, that should be a major red flag (1:7-8). If you’re not married and you’re not sure whether or not your relationship consists of anything more than physical attraction, why not suspend any physical part of the relationship for a couple weeks or a month? Do nothing more than hold hands. As Kristin and I were falling love we found ourselves smooching more and more and talking less and less. I started to wonder if we had more than a physical connection. So I called a time out on the smooching for a few weeks. I figured if the relationship fell apart then it was based on the wrong foundation. Well, we did just fine. And it was confirmation to me that we had more than a physical connection. If your relationship can’t survive without a physical component, you’re missing the emotional connection essential to the longterm health of the relationship.
If you’re married: Couples who connect emotionally connect physically (1:4). In Song of Songs 1:4 she says to Solomon “Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers.” Now in chapter 1 the couple isn’t married, and the song make very clear through a variety of passages that they didn’t have sex until they were married. So here she’s letting Solomon know that all this emotional connecting is make her desire a physical connection. If you are married and the passion has cooled, know this: things will pick back up physically if you’ll make a greater investment connecting emotionally. When you were first married you talked and talked and were so in love because of the emotional connection that resulted from spending time together talking. But then you got married, got busy raising kids and going to work, and you started talking less and less. As a result you started feeling less and less in love and as a result the passion you once had is gone. Start talking again and watch how quickly the fire of love rekindles in your marriage. What should you talk about? All the things you used to talk about when you fell in love. Open up about your insecurities, how you feel about each other and start dreaming together again about the future. Do this and those feelings of love will rush back into your relationship like a flood.