Solomon says to his bride in Song of Solomon 4:1,7 “How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!… You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” In the first seven verses of chapter 4 Solomon praises the Shulamite’s physical appearance. Why did he take time to do that? Because she had some insecurities about her appearance. If you remember back to chapter 1, the Shulamite felt insecure about her dark skin, in a day and age where fair colored skin was culture’s standard of beauty. Even though Solomon was eager and excited to proceed with some bellybutton to bellybutton time, he unselfishly helped bring his wife to the place where she could enjoy the experience too. Had he charged ahead on his own time table, it would’ve been a great experience or him only. But Solomon did what was needed to make sure it was a great experience for her as well.
Interesting side note: Pop star Bruno Mars has a song called “Just the Way You Are (Amazing).” With 13.2 million copies sold worldwide, it’s one of the best selling digital singles of all time. Well that’s because it’s a complete rip off of what Solomon said to the Shulamite on their honeymoon. This song is 100% based off Song of Solomon 4:1-3!!!
No how does the Shulamite respond to Solomon’s unselfishness? Well, she says to him in v.16, “Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere. Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.” Here she compares her body to a garden, and the best parts of her body (that a groom would be most interested in on the wedding night) to choice fruits, which she invites him to partake of unreservedly. So we see, that you reap what you sow, even in the bedroom. He’s been unselfish with her, and now she’s being very unselfish with him.
- Husbands: Your wife is prepared for sex by what you say (she’s prepared through the ear-gate). Women need to connect emotionally in order to enjoy connecting physically. Romance (sex) is the byproduct of intimacy (spending time talking and connecting emotionally). Notice that Solomon spends 14 verses talking with her before they actually have sex in v.15. Solomon doesn’t need 14 verses of talking. He probably doesn’t need any talking. But she needs it and he unselfishly gives her what she needs.
- Wives: Your husband is prepared for sex what what he sees (he’s prepared through the eye-gate). Wives – get rid of that 4” thick flannel pajama set that your grandma gave you fifteen years ago that has a tear under the armpit. Let me put it this way – if you couldn’t see through it even if you had a solar flare under it, then get rid of it! Solomon is clear – she is looking sultry, not homely. That’s what Solomon needed so she too was unselfish by giving him what he needed.
God designed sex so that it would be impossible to fully enjoy apart from unselfishness. God says that great sex is unselfish sex.